11 December 2009

Oh yeah, here's some good advice

I apologize to my loyal readers for the lack of even a good quote in nearly a month. But the holidays are upon us!

Anyway, I deal with a lot of email every day, much of it spam. This showed up in the INBOX today. I am flabbergasted...

{My take in italics and bracketed.}

     Because of recent abductions in daylight hours, refresh yourself with these things to do in an emergency situation.
     This is for you, and for you to share with your wife, your children,everyone you know.
     After reading these 10 crucial tips, forward them to someone you care about. It never hurts to be too careful in this crazy world we live in.

1. Tip from Tae Kwon Do:
The elbow is the strongest point on your body. If you are close enough to use it, do! {Need a little more information here, chum!}

2. Learned this from a tourist guide:
If a robber asks for your wallet and/or purse, DO NOT HAND IT TO HIM. Toss it away from you...Chances are that he is more interested in your wallet and/or purse than you, and he will go for the wallet/purse. RUN LIKE MAD IN THE OTHER DIRECTION! {How about referring US to that guidebook so we can glean such useful tidbits?}

3. If you are ever thrown into the trunk of a car, kick out the back tail lights and stick your arm out the hole and start waving like crazy. The driver won't see you, but everybody else will. This has saved lives. {As Wikipedia would say: Sources needed. This is ridiculous.}

4. Women have a tendency to get into their cars after shopping, eating, working, etc., and just sit doing their checkbook, or making a list, etc. DON'T DO THIS! The predator will be watching you, and this is the perfect opportunity for him to get in on the passenger side, put a gun to your head, and tell you where to go. AS SOON AS YOU GET INTO YOUR CAR, LOCK THE DOORS AND LEAVE. If someone is in the car with a gun to your head DO NOT DRIVE OFF, Repeat: DO NOT DRIVE OFF! Instead gun the engine and speed into anything, wrecking the car. Your Air Bag will save you. If the person is in the back seat they will get the worst of it. As soon as the car crashes bail out and run. It is better than having them find your body in a remote location. {I think this one takes the cake. You stand as much chance as being severely injured as the carjacker. How stupid can you be?}

5. A few notes about getting into your car in a parking lot, or parking garage:
A.) Be aware: look around you, look into your car, at the passenger side floor, and in the back seat. {OK, I agree with this, even I do it.}
B.) If you are parked next to a big van, enter your car from the passenger door. Most serial killers attack their victims by pulling them into their vans while the women are attempting to get into their cars. {1. Don't park next to a van or big truck. 2. Let's see, after I get into my Jeep from the passenger side, then I get to climb over the console/shifter, etc. and gracefully slide under the steering wheel.}
C.) Look at the car parked on the driver's side of your vehicle, and the passenger side... If a male is sitting alone in the seat nearest your car, you may want to walk back into the mall, or work, and get a guard/policeman to walk you back out. IT IS ALWAYS BETTER TO BE SAFE THAN SORRY. (And better paranoid than dead.) {Wait a minute. Any man in a car near you is a danger. Sorry, they're not. Walk all the way back to the stores? If he wants you, now he's got you. If you are that worried, get someone to walk you out there the first time!}

6. ALWAYS take the elevator instead of the stairs. Stairwells are horrible places to be alone and the perfect crime spot. (This is especially true at NIGHT!) {And if you make a lot of noise, it echoes up and down the stairs. But again, it's simple not to put yourself into bad situations. If there won't be anyone else using the stairs, yeah, use the elevator.}

7. If the predator has a gun and you are not under his control, ALWAYS RUN! A predator will only hit a running target 4 in 100 times; and even then, it most likely WILL NOT hit a vital organ. RUN, Preferably in a zigzag pattern! {It is true that hitting a moving target is tough, and no handgun that a robber uses is effective out past about 30-40 feet, especially in the darl, but he doesn't have to kill you. I guarantee if he wings you, you're going down, and now you're pretty much helpless. Again, I feel like this is a "don't put yourself in this position" type of thing, but remember, too, violent crime is WAY down in this country from years past.}

8. Women are always trying to be sympathetic: STOP. It may get you raped, or killed. Ted Bundy, the serial killer, was a good-looking, well educated man, who ALWAYS played on the sympathies of unsuspecting women. He walked with a cane, or a limp, and often asked 'for help' into his vehicle or with his vehicle, which is when he abducted  his next victim. {And Ted Bundy is one-in-a-billion criminal.}

9. Another Safety Point: Someone just told me that her friend heard a crying baby on her porch the night before last, and she called the police because it was late and she thought it was weird. The police told her 'Whatever you do, DO NOT open the door.'
   The lady then said that it sounded like the baby had crawled near a window, and she was worried that it would crawl to the street and get run over.
   The policeman said, 'We already have a unit on the way, whatever you do, DO NOT open the door . . .'
   He told her that they think a serial killer has a baby's cry recorded and uses it to coax women out of their homes thinking that someone dropped off a baby. He said they have not verified it, but have had several calls by women saying that they hear baby's cries outside their doors when they're home alone at night. {This one's too easy: Snopes.com's take on it.}

10. Water scam! If you wake up in the middle of the night to hear all your taps outside running or what you think is a burst pipe, DO NOT GO OUT TO INVESTIGATE! These people turn on all your outside taps full ball so that you will go out to investigate and then attack. {OK, I admit, I can't find anything at all on this. Who knows, maybe someone would be stupid enough to fumble around my foundation to find the 2 water faucets in the front and back. On the way, they' will fall all over themselves in the yard, and probably alert half the dogs in the neighborhood. Good plan.}

Stay alert, keep safe, and look out for your neighbors! {FINALLY, SOMETHING WE CAN ALL AGREE ON!}
Please pass this on. {NOOOOO!!!! The email I received would have required 8 to 10 pages of paper to print out because of all the forwarding, and I don't need it again, anyway!}
This e-mail should probably be taken seriously because the Crying Baby Theory was mentioned on America's Most Wanted when they profiled the serial killer in Louisiana. {Yeah, probably as a warning not to fall for stupid "theories" like these!}


(Take look a how the silly thing came in...who in the heck has time to do crap like this?}

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